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Reflections on Bal Thanedar6 share

INTELLIGENT LIVING

This is the story of a snake. It lived in the outskirts of a little village. This snake was a great menace to the villagers. It bit and killed many of them.

One day a sage (mahatma) passed its way. The snake charged out of its hideout to attack him. The sage stood unperturbed. The assailant instantly recognized the divine personality. It prostrated before him and begged his pardon. The sage being a godly man blessed the creature and counselled, Why do you harass innocent villagers thus? It will not do you good. Learn to love your fellow beings.

The snake bowed down in submission and in a repentant tone replied, I will not do so again. I will follow your advice. The sage condoned the blessed creature and went his way.

Many days passed. The good man happened to cross the same path again. And lo! he found the snake broken and lacerated with wounds. He enquired lovingly as to the cause of its sad state.

The ignorant one, still full of devotion, replied, ‘My lord, I only followed your words of wisdom and expressed my love to one and all. The villagers pelted me with stones and brought me to this condition.

How silly have you been, my child, rejoined the wise man. I only asked you to love others, but I did not want you to express your love for them. You should have hissed and driven them away.

Such it is with my life also. I cannot afford to manifest, that is demonstrate or express my feelings all the time. My discrimination must be ever alert to guide my emotions to proper channels. This is intelligent living.

BHARTIS COMMENTARY:

This is a wonderful story by Bal Thanedar, from which he draws the conclusion that, in following religious precepts, we need to still exercise our intelligent understanding of human foibles and weaknesses and the instinctive reactions of people who are not sensitive to changes in learned and expected patterns of behavior. The villagers reacted towards the snake according to their past bad experiences, and were totally unprepared to understand, let alone accept, his conversion by the wise sage, and his unexpectedly loving change of heart and behavior.

As we evolve into higher consciousness, we still must be prudent and realize that the ways of the world do not change, and people react according to past experience and are slow to evaluate, let alone understand, changes in consciousness, and the evolution of people and beings in their vicinity. Therefore, the powers of the intellect to process external circumstances are essential to protect growth in consciousness until the villagers could be open-minded and non-reactive enough to accept non-standard behavior.

Under the influence of the mahatma, the snake had learned to forego his cruel behavior and to truly try to love his fellow men. However, his fellow men had not changed and had no basis for realizing his evolution in consciousness.  So it is casting a pearl before swine to expect people to respond differently than their habitual behavior without themselves undergoing any kind of conversion experience too.

So the evolved individual or creature would be wise to discriminate when the time and conditions are ripe for his fellows to realize that circumstances and people change and evolve, and that nothing in the river of time stays the same. Until people lose their conditioning, it is foolish to expect anything from them except their learned and habitual behavior. Only when we perceive an opening in an individual can we help them to rise to a new level. It is important to understand the limitations of others as we try intelligently and respectfully to change attitudes and behavior in society.

This is why Christ, dying an agonizing death on the cross, reviled and tortured by his fellow men, said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. He knew and accepted and did not turn away when Judas Iscariot, one of his own twelve chosen disciples, betrayed him to the Roman authorities out of jealousy and for thirty pieces of silver.

Until ordinary people grow in Christ consciousness, it is impossible for them to behave in any other way but their habitual cruelty and conditioned reflexes. The prudent man or creature recognizes this and wisely behaves accordingly. Only those who truly embody divine nature will sacrifice themselves, atoning for the imperfection of others, and even then it will take thousands of years for the evolution of human consciousness.

Reflections on Bal Thanedar4 share

TOWARDS PEACE OF MIND

I have been thinking that life as well as the people I meet in life should be fair. A frustrating aspect of life is not being able to understand other peoples behavior. I used to focus on other peoples seemingly irrational behavior, their comments, actions, mean-spirited acts, selfish behavior, and get myself extremely frustrated. It seemed that other people made me miserable. Definitely every individual is different. Every person has his attributes, virtues and contributes in his or her own way. When that way does not match exactly to mine, I consider other people do weird things. However, I am the one getting upset. So, I am the one who needs to change.

Realizing this, I have learned to be less bothered by the actions of others. When someone is acting the way I do not like, I distance myself from the behavior to ‘look beyond it’ and to look for an innocence in it with a basis in diversity.

Prior to providing a solution to a problem I like to study it in depth. Many a times people have pressured me to hurry up. Often their technique for getting me to hurry along is obnoxious, even insulting. If I just focus on the words they use, the tone of their voices and the urgency of their messages surely I get annoyed, even angry, thus making me unable to concentrate on the actual problem to be solved. If I remember the urgency I feel when I am in a hurry to do something, it allows me to discover the innocence in their behavior. Underneath even the most annoying behavior I do see a totally frustrated person crying out for compassion.

Compassion is a sympathetic feeling. It includes willingness to put myself in someone elses shoes to take the focus off myself and to imagine what it is like to be in someone elses condition with a simultaneous feeling of love for that person. This is a recognition of the other persons problems, pains, frustrations to be every bit as real as my own. The intention in compassion is to open my heart to others. Next comes action: What I do about it! I can offer my time, genuine services to ease out the burden. Mother Teresa reminds us that We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do small things with great love.  This is what my mother did in her own way and even after she has gone for a long time, she is still remembered.

I have noticed we tend to spend a lot of time complaining about what is wrong with life. the fact is life is not fair and also it will not be. Surrendering to this fact has kept me from feeling sorry for myself. It encourages me to do the best I can with what I have. It is not lifes job to make everything perfect. it is my own challenge. The fact that life is not fair does not mean that I should not do everything in my power to improve my own life. To the contrary, suggests that I should.

I notice that without patience life is extremely frustrating. The more patient I am the more accepting I will be of what is. Becoming more patient involves opening my heart to the present moment, even if I do not like it. We have a cat called Shadow. On many occasions, he has walked into my study-room, jumped on my notebook where I was writing, interrupted my work, my train of thought, which can be disruptive.  What I have learned to do is to see the innocence in his behavior rather than just focusing on the potential implications of his interruptions. When I am working in the yard, he comes from almost nowhere and stands close to me. I have to stop whatever I was doing and caress him. I remind myself why he is coming to see me because he loves me, not because he is conspiring to ruin my work. When I remember to see this innocence I immediately bring forth a feeling of patience and my attention is brought back to the present moment. Any irritation that may have been building up is eliminated, and I am reminded again of how fortunate I am to have such a loving pet like Shadow. From my experience with Shadow I have found that if I look really deep enough I can almost see the innocence in other people as well.

My ego mistakenly believed that if I point out how someone is wrong I must be right and therefore I will feel better.  However, when I paid special attention to how I feel after I put someone else down, I noticed that I feel worse than before the put-down.  It is impossible to feel better at the expense of someone else. The compassionate part of me for my own peace of mind propelled me to have my goal to build people up, to make them feel better, to share their joy. I make cautious attempts to resist my temptation of correcting others and ask myself, What do I want from this interaction? Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? Many a times the two are mutually exclusive. Usually it is just my ego creeping in a habit of wanting to be or needing to be right. Being right is defending my position. It takes an enormous amount of energy and often alienates me from people in my life.

Needing to be right means needing someone else to be wrong. This encourages others to become defensive and puts pressure on me to keep defending. I do spend a great deal of energy and time to prove that I am right and/or others are wrong. I used to believe that it is somehow my job to show others how their positions, statements and points of view are incorrect and that I in doing so the person I am correcting is going to appreciate it. I am totally wrong. We all want our positions to be respected and understood. Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart. Those who learn to listen are the most loved and respected. Those who are in the habit of correcting others are often resented and avoided.

BHARTIS COMMENTARY

Like most of us, Bal Thanedar is struggling to discover which modes of action will be effective in changing the multitude of situations we face in life for the better. He has discovered that this can in no way be achieved by letting the ego get in the way because the ego is inherently self-protective and self-righteous. Egotistic thinking is essentially dualistic and divisive: I can only be considered right if I prove that someone else is wrong. Egotistic thinking cannot abide the other being equally right, or interestingly different, because the ego feeds on a sense of its own superiority, i.e. I am great only if others are small and insignificant.

What a paltry and sad position this is, for it will inevitably poison all our relationships with others because it rules out compassion and acceptance of diverse ways of thinking. Love and patient understanding are the motivating forces that can truly propel the emergence of human actions that can ameliorate every situation because at the heart of compassionate thinking is the feeling that life is and should be a win-win situation in which my good fortune is never at the expense of anyone elses, but only serves to raise up all ships, not just my own.

There is a certain innocence in this which Bal observes in his cat Shadow. This innocence characterizes all compassionate actions, for Shadow only wants to be seen and heard purring softly and contentedly, to give and receive love and attention, which, if we are honest, is exactly what we humans truly desire if we can only get the ego out of the way.

Yes, there is a certain naivety in compassionate action which is based on the premise of love and mutuality. The ego considers such thinking to be foolish and heedless of self-regard. The ego is based on calculation and self-righteousness and requires someone to be put down and defeated, not loved as an equal.

Being in love is impossible without naivety, for it requires us to let go and abandon ourselves to the other. The nature of love opens us and leaves us exposed as nothing else can. However, without the courage to love naively and unconditionally, we cannot truly make sense of our intrinsic interdependence which is the basis of all uplifting social interaction. Mother Teresas small acts of compassion in the Calcutta slums among the outcaste and the dying were born out of great love which by its very nature is naive and risk-taking, expecting nothing in return, and yet receiving everything.

Reflections by Bal Thanedar2 share

Simple Thoughts

It is always easy for me to remember all the chores that I do, as well as all the other to-do-things that I take care of. However, at the same time, it it naturally very easy for me to forget all the innumerable things that my wife does on a daily basis. How convenient for me!

It is really difficult to become a contented person if I continue keeping a score of all that I do.  Such keeping track has a negative effect. It clutters my mind with who is doing what. On the other hand it brings in far more joy to my life to know that I have done my part sincerely and someone else in my family has one less thing to do, than it will be to fret and worry over whose turn it is to take-out and sort the trash for the recycle.

The strongest argument against this is the concern that I will be taken advantage of. This is a mistake. It is similar to believing that I am right! Most of the time it is not important that I am right and neither is it important if I take out the trash a few more times. Making garbage irrelevant in my life undoubtedly frees up more time and energy for truly important things.

I have found that scheduling a little time for myself each day, as if it were an actual appointment, is the only way to ensure that I do schedule the time and that I stick to it; how I choose to use this time is up to me. I use it for praying, meditating, reflecting, exercising this is how I want to use this time.

I do practice trusting my intuitive heart. This means listening to and trusting that quiet inner voice that knows what it is I need to do, what actions need to be taken or changes need to be made. Self-examination showed that earlier I was not listening to my intuitive heart for fear that I could not possibly know something without thinking it through, or for fear that legitimate answers could possibly be so obvious. I used to say to myself things like, That could not possibly be right, or I could not possibly do that.

And as soon as I allowed my thinking-mind to enter into the picture, I thought myself out of it. I then argued for my limitations. When I decide that something is beyond my reach, it is very difficult to pierce through this self-created hurdle. When I tell myself, I cannot write, I look for examples to prove my position. I still remember my poor essays in my school days and do recall how awkward I felt when I sat down to write. I fill my head with limitations that will frighten me from trying. In order to become a writer, or something else, I must get rid of my self-created limitations.

When I overcame my fear that my intuitive heart will give me incorrect answers I did learn to trust it, and life became the magical adventure that it was meant to be. Trusting the intuitive heart is like removing the barrier to enjoyment and wisdom.

Initially when I was unfamiliar with trusting my intuition, I started by setting aside a little quiet time to clear my mind and listen. I used to ignore and dismiss any habitual, self-defeating thoughts that enter my mind and used to pay attention only to the calm thoughts that begin to surface. If my intuitive heart says I need to slow down, or take more time for myself, I tried to make it happen. If I am reminded of a habit that needs attention, I do pay attention. I do find that when my intuition gives me messages and I respond with action, I have often been rewarded with positive loving experiences.

My intuitive heart tells me true compassion is to serve people, to help them out of suffering and this must be without attachment. If I start crying over the suffering of others, I only make myself unhappy. This is not the correct path. If I have true compassion, then with all possible love, I try to help others to the best of my ability. If I fail, I smile and try another way to help. I serve without worrying about the results of my service. This is real compassion, proceeding from a balanced mind.

The development of goodwill toward others is a positive progression. Previously I might have paid lip service to such sentiments; but deep within the mind the old process of craving and aversion continued.  Now, to some extent, the process of reaction has stopped, the old habit of egoism has gone, and goodwill naturally flows from the depth of the mind. With the entire force of the pure mind behind it, this goodwill can be very powerful in creating a peaceful and harmonious atmosphere for the benefit of all.

Always remaining balanced does not mean I can no longer enjoy life in all its variety. If I am a painter with a palette full of colors, I do not have to choose just nothing but gray. I can choose beautiful combinations of various colors.

BHARTIS COMMENTARY:

Mr Thanedar so beautifully reminds us how easy it is to focus on the negative in our lives, and in society. He shows us how we can turn around this self-limiting behavior, rooted in defensive attitudes of protecting our so-called rights, into more constructive channels by not allowing ourselves to be ruled by the petty judgmental thinking of the egoic mind, which considers everything a zero sum game. He tells us so patiently how we need to expose ourselves to the expansive liberating viewpoint of the intuitive heart.

Last weekend I saw a horrifying movie called The Children of War which is about the use of rape as a weapon of war in the Bangladeshi War of Independence of 1971. Pakistani soldiers systematically and brutally raped 400,000 women as a way of subjugating the population, and rationalized this as producing children of a so-called unified country. It is so easy to be depressed by the savagery of human to human interaction that we tend to lose sight of the humanity of the other.

Somehow, no matter how hard it is, we need to also see the desperation of soldiers so far from home and so pulverized by fear and the dread of mortality that they vent their inadequacies and raw nerves on those in their power who are even more exposed and vulnerable than they are. Instead of seeing vulnerability as a source of change and growth, they allow shame and terror to dictate their actions. Many of them will also die a horrific death in battle or be haunted by post-traumatic stress syndrome and other psychological disorders which may make them take their own lives. So difficult as it is, we need to stay calm and balanced in the face of whatever life throws at us. We need to build ways of reaching out to others and holding a space for them, so that they too can change and evolve.

Bal Thanedar tells us how we need to stop defending our turf and start exposing our vulnerabilities to the unlimited possibilities of collaborative thinking and intuitive insights. For when our hearts are open, and our minds guided by intuition and the spirit of love, it is impossible to be ruled by fear and greed that make us trample on our fellow beings. Then, as Mr Thanedar points out, we can achieve balance in life, and relax effortlessly into attitudes of loving service with no thought of instant gratification at others expense. We can be motivated simply by the joy of relieving suffering, changing hearts, and filling the world with the rainbow colors of love.

ST TERESA OF AVILA PRAYERS share

DAY THIRTY

This is the wonderful culminating wisdom from St Teresa. She tells us that, because the nature of God is charity and love, we can love ourselves in Him, and love all our neighbors for his sake.  We should never fool ourselves into thinking that we can hear Gods voice without listening intently to the voices of our neighbors. God is the sole treasure who emanates perfect love for us and all his creatures. There is only one true glory and that is God. When we dwell with God, nothing can disturb us whatever the clamor, trials and burdens of life, for God is the infinite calm, the peace beyond all peace, that helps us endure now and through eternity. Bharti

PRAYER:  My God,

you who are charity and love itself.

Help me to love myself in you,

for you and by you,

and my neighbor for your sake.

May I possess you as my sole treasure

and my one glory,

far dearer than all creatures.

Grant that I may rejoice

in your perfect love for me,

and in the eternal love borne for you

by all the angels and saints

who see you face to face.

If I do this,

as you have promised,

there will be many things

I will not care about at all.

Nothing will disturb me.

MANTRA:  For me to live is Christ,

to die is gain.

EVENING PRAYER: O Lord,

in the silence of this night,

let me hear the voice of my neighbors,

so often drowned out

by the clamor of my own needs.

Let me not fool myself into thinking

that I can hear your voice

if I do not listen to theirs.

You speak to me in the voice of my neighbors.

I cannot claim to love you

if I do not love them

even as I love myself.

You have promised,

that there will be many things

we will not care about at all,

that nothing will disturb us.

For if we have you, God,

we will want for nothing,

You alone suffice.

ST TERESA OF AVILA PRAYERS share

DAY TWENTY-EIGHT

This Prayer of St Teresa is refreshing and welcome. We do not need any special qualities to come before Jesus our Lord. Realizing that he is not only God, but also human, he becomes eminently approachable. We do not need any unusual introduction, intercession, demeanor, expressions, qualities to stand before him. He knows very well how frail we are and how many times we fail, and he still offers to be our true friend.  Our worldly friends may desert us and talk disparagingly about us behind our backs. St Teresa had many enemies who opposed her reforms in the Church. With Jesus on her side, she persevered.  God will never desert us as long as we pursue the path to unite with him in good faith and sincerity. Bharti

PRAYER:  My love of and trust in our Lord

has never ceased to grow

from the moment when I first realized

that though he was God, he was also human.

He is not surprised

by our frailties or our continuing failures.

How good is our Lord,

and how powerful!

and with you

I feel myself so empowered.

Knowing you will never fail me,

I feel able to withstand the whole world,

should it turn against me.

You are on our side, O Lord,

you can do all things

and subject all things to yourself.

We have nothing to fear

if we walk in the truth,

iin the sight of your majesty

with a pure conscience.

MANTRA: God is my friend, my one true friend.

EVENING PRAYER: Let me not be afraid

to linger here in your presence

with all my humanity exposed.

For you are God”

you are not surprised by my frailties,

my continuous failures.

You are my God,

but you are also my friend.

You are on my side;

you will never fail me.

Here in the gathering darkness

I feel able to withstand the whole world,

should it turn against me.